Some of you may be aware that my stepmom came to visit me last week. We had a very nice time. And I will tell you about some things we did. However. I will say that it is rather tiring taking someone completely unfamiliar with the South American way of life around the country and translating everything for them about 85% of the time.
But it was good practice and preparation for when my mother comes to town.
I stayed with Jodi in the nicest living conditions I have seen in 6 months. The beds were comfortable. Toilet seats were provided. Showers were hot. People served us our breakfast and everyone spoke English. We went to a canyon that is bigger and greener than the Grand Canyon and also went to some beaches with ice-cold water. Jodi particularly liked the beaches because people came around selling everything and theoretically, if you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t have to leave your beach chair all day- there was fresh seafood, cigarettes, gum, beer, soda, cake, donuts, corn, beach buckets, blow-up beach toys, tamales… everything brought right to your chair with a wave of the hand. Since Jodi had barely talked to anyone (except me) for 6 whole days, on the 6th day, when we ran into a scared blonde American(a) in the airport, Jodi jumped on the opportunity to talk to this girl, as if she was starved for conversation, like someone who hadn’t eaten in a week. It was as if she had drank 3 shots of espresso and you couldn’t shut her up. You should have seen the smile on her face.
We said our good byes the other day, and even though I was sad to see her go, I was exhausted and ready to be responsible for nothing more than myself and my low expectations.
Have I mentioned that most people here tell me I act like I am 25 and that it seems like I would be at the age to start thinking about family and children? I know!
Now I have a story that is much more funny and exciting.
Right before the bf and I went to pick up Jodi from the airport, there was a soccer game that our team was playing in and we had to go see it. As most people know, it is customary to hang out and have some drinks before the sporting event so as to, de verdad, pre-game. I bought a bottle of rum and some coke so we could all share. I was excited!
So we met up, had our drinks, chit chatted and headed off to the stadium. Now, I knew that you couldn’t drink inside the stadium, but wasn’t really aware that you weren’t supposed to drink at all. In fact, I wanted to sneak the last of the rum into the game like we did (successfully) the time before. So we ran to get in line, and I went by myself to the line where they pat down the girls (like you re going into a bar or police station or something) and when it is my turn to get patted down, the lady looks at the male police office next to her and says “sopla.” And I am a little bit drunk and really confused. So I follow the police officer, take the plastic bag of rum out of my pants (through it to my bf who was immediately following behind me) and get back to the gate where they give me a breathalyzer. A breathalyzer! Like I am at my high school prom. And the guy realizes I understand every word he is saying to me so he explains that you cant drink anything before the game. And I think to myself, “so that’s why koko’s friends bought three packs of gum for everybody before the game.” Shit.
Well everybody else had gotten in and I did some quick thinking and thought, “If you can drink and drive, get pulled over, and pay 15 soles to get out of it, then there has to be a way to get into the game…. But, shit! I don’t have any money because I gave it to koko!” So I just had to rely on my gringa charm and smooth talking. And I started talking and saying that I didn’t know my address or my way back to my house and my friends had my money and they were all inside and I didn’t have their phone number and what’s more, I didn’t even know you couldn’t drink before the game. And Im almost perfectly sober… I can have a perfectly civilized conversation in a different language! And he said:
“Ok, well, I’m gonna help you out but you have to act like you barely know any Spanish. And also, you need to get some better friends that take better care of you. You’re going to get yourself into trouble if you’re not careful.” Haahaahaha! Ignorant + naïve= home free!
So we went back up to the gate and he did all the talking, said I didn’t know almost anything of Spanish and when the other officer’s futile attempts and broken English failed, they all let out an exasperated sigh, and indicated with waving hands that they were going to let me in because there was nothing else I could do, really.
yesssssss!
When they finally let me in, I felt bad because I didn’t have any money to give the nice police officer that had lied to his superiors on my behalf to let me into the soccer game.
So next time you think that government corruption is a bad thing, remember that a little money or feminine charm can go a long way when you cant figure out any other way get what you want.
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