I´m in the jungle and what the ayahuasca gods told me

So my mom got here and we went to the jungle. First to a city called Iquitos.
We to got to Iquitos and had to find a hotel and somebody to take us on a tour to go see the jungle, so we hopped in a mototaxi. This time, a little different from Brasil, you are pulled by a motorcylce in what is essentially a cart with wheels and plastic covering.
Before I got to the city I knew I would love it. And when we were driving into it, I thought,"I knew I would love this place!"
Its like the poorer version of Florida. Which is fabulous!
So we got there wandered around with a girl we met on the plane who helped us find a cheap place and gave us her phone number just in case, and set off to find a jungle tour company.
After we went to two other places, we found one.
I was a little nervous the whole time, since a lot of guides are untrustworthy and just take your money and dont give you anything or if they do, its a shitty tour without the right equipment or bad food or whatever. But ours was good.
The next day we got to the place at 8am to start the adevnture. We road in a boat for an hour and a half on the Amazon, Marañon, and Ucayali rivers.
We got there!
It was nice!
The tour guide grew up in a village in the jungle and his whole family still lives there!
We saw pink dolphins, monkeys, bugs, sloths, butterflies, and other things!
The food was wonderful!

I tried ayahuasca....
which is, you might wonder, a hallucinogenic vine that is found in the jungle.
I tried it with a shaman who summons the spirits from the jungle and then it helps you reach into the depths of your mind and maybe see the past present or future.
Well I was really excited since I had been waiting a long time for this and I had a lot of questions I wanted to try to think about during the trip. I had been preparing myself for three days and I thought I had put my mind in a good place.
But then, during the trip, I found myself being so grumpy and angry and disappointed because I realized my approach to finding solutions to my most complicated questions was all wrong!
And I thought: "I bet this shaman isnt even real. He s so stupid! I just want to leave. The "ayahuasca gods" are all a sham. And Im sitting here and this is stupid. What was I even waiting for thinking that one little drug-induced spiritual experience was going to give me any answers?!"
But thats the thing. Thats what I had to realize. That I wasnt going to find the answers in one sitting. All you have to do is live and the answers will present themselves as the circumstances and yourself change.
And I also realized some other things.
But the next morning I woke up a grumpy gertrude because I felt so stupid and disappointed!
But it was ok. Since I talked it all out that day with my mom and the tour guide and I swam around in the amazon with some pink dolphins.
I remembered that you just have to open your mind and also remember that your experiences have effects and consequences that you dont even realize. So its stupid to think that my ayahuasca experience was useless. because it wasnt.

We leave tomorrow and I dont want to leave. But I already know Im coming back. Maybe to live....! How many times have you heard me say that? But you just wait!

In other news, I ate lizard today. yesterday I sat by a river in a village and talked to a nice old man. Today we saw these crazy monkeys that climbed all over you and picked at your hair. We also saw a very ferocious jaguar.
Also, I broke up with my boyfriend right after my stepmom left and before my mom came. Surprise! Not. As usual, I realized I didnt love him and he loved me. Which makes me sad. But theres nothing I can do.
"Quem um dia irá dizer que existe razao nas coisas feitas pelo coracao"
"Who, one day, would say that reason exists in the things that are made by the heart?"
Exactly!