Being a gringa... kind of a drag.

Ok, guys. Now, I know I've written about all of the below randomly in other posts before, but I would just like to compile all of my subjective observations into one coherent article so as to make sense of my feelings that are at least, in part, due to social contraints, expectations and pressures that exist here in Perú.

The thing is, some times are really great here, and some are really stupid, just like in the United States. But recently, I've been feeling particularly down about my gringa identity. I know you have to love yourself and be confident and all that jazz, but the fact is, sometimes the man gets you down.

So here is what I'm talking about. Because I'm a gringa (a white American female), these are some things that happen:
- Even when guys (young and old, very old) have the f-ing courtesy not to whistle at me or say some stupid f-ing comment, I can feel their staring eyes undressing me as I walk past because I know exactly what those sick schmucks are thinking. f that. I mean, I already know that men are just the same in the US. but, jesus, I feel it every day when I walk out my door.

- When I go out with Peruvian boys, even the ones that are just my friends, people generally assume the following: The Peruvian is a brichero (peruvian boy that takes advantage of naive American girl to get to the US) and therefore either applauded for his cunningness or looked down upon for his bad intentions. Also, that he may just be using me for the short term goals of money, alcohol or sex (since American girls, as displayed in movies like American Pie, are all loose lushes that have money to waste). The girl (me) is a stupid, naive American that doesnt know the how things work here and little does she know that after this boy uses me for his purposes, will toss me out like the garbage that litters the streets of this country.

- At school, since I am an American, it is assumed that my world views are misinformed, ethno-centric, and based only on American values and America's importance over any other country in the world. That is to say, that Americans don't get and aren't willing to understand the reality of other people and are stupid, selfish, lazy, rich, ignorant schmucks. Have you ever watched MTV? have you ever thought, "God, this shit is so stupid. These people are so stupid. Why am I even watching this?" Well that MTV that you sit and watch is the same MTV that Peruvians sit and watch and at least subconsciously formulate their opinions about American culture with. I hate TV.

- One time I went to a bar with a boy I was seeing where his co-workers were, since he also happens to work there. The fact that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend didn't help the situation, but it sure as f didn't help that I was a gringa with the potential of having the above mentioned characteristics. And, I have never in my life, understood the definition of cold shoulder more than I had there. Almost more than I feel when I am in my stupid social science classes with my stupid social sciences peruvian classmates.

Listen, I know that everyone doesn't think this way about gringas and I don't necessarily fulfill all of the stereotypical expectations that people have of me, and I know there are much greater problems I could be having, since I do in fact have friends here that don't treat me like an uneducated, overly self-interested slut. However, think about when you walk into McDonald's and you see the manager who is a grungy-looking 45 year old female with a grumpy look on her face and yellow teeth. Don't tell me you think she is the most interesting, intelectual, loving person there could be in the world, and don't tell me you are about to interact with her as such. You will probably take some of those stereotypical assumptions you involuntarily make about other people, and those will inevitably color the type behavior you exhibit toward her. Is that not so? Maybe not always, but a lot of the time.

Everything is all fine. Peru is great. the people here are great. My education in great. And I like having problems and stupid shit happen to me so I can learn from it. really. it's just, there's nothing like being an inconspicuous white girl on a campus filled with other white girls that look exactly the same.