My life is over.

Hahaha. ok. I mean, the life I had for a little while in Peru. There's always a chance I can start it back up again. Well, not that it died out or anything, because it obviously still lives on in certain abstract and concrete terms, but if I decide to live in the present, then it seems a bit difficult to live in the past and in the southern hemisphere.

Before I left, I went to the rainforest once more. The rainforest and its people and its comforting chaos and disorganized dirty messes were all fabulous to me. The food and the accommodations and transportation were all super basic but they were all filled with heart and soul and sweat and love. Unfortunately, because of the global climate change, the temperature when I arrived was 10 degrees Celsius lower than normal. That is VERY substantially colder than usual. And since no one ever prepared for that kind of cold, there were no cold-weather comforts, which made for long cold nights. But aside from that, it was all good. And I made it back to Lima with mosquito bites and sunkissed cheeks and a few more stories.

I spent the last two days I had in Lima taking care of business, saying goodbyes, and being washed over my sudden waves of sadness. It was all very calm and surreal and necessary. The other day as I was crossing a crosswalk, I remember looking up and thinking, "Lima is ugly but it has flavor." And then I thought "The suburbs are pretty but they don't have flavor."

Yesterday morning I left the country crying and it was good to know that my heart and soul went into everything that I had felt and done and experienced in the last year. I dont know if I'll ever go back. I hope I go back. but nobody knows anything really.

I arrived in the United States in awe by what I saw outside of my tiny airplane window and in a state of semi-disbelief that I actually made it back to the country after a year of some pretty high highs and some really low lows. As I was waiting by the baggage claim area, I heard my dad call my name. I yelled "dad" back and when we saw each other, I ran up to him and we hugged a pretty big, excited, tear-filled hug.

Now I am here at home. And I am happy as clam. I am really happy. I dont know what I'll feel like tomorrow or the next day or in a month or six, but I think I will just have to go with the flow, follow what my heart is telling me, try to keep Spanish in my life and remember all of the incredible life lessons I've learned.

The thing is, the above-stated seems so simple- and in Lima it really was simple- but I can already tell it is gonna be a fight to do those things here.

Bueno. That's all for now.

I dont have anything brilliant or touching or inspirational to say, but I will say that I'm happy that's it's summer and the sun is hot, the grass is green, the air is fresh; and I'm ready for the great wide open.