Collective Humiliation.

So last night I thought it would be a good idea to go and take part in the initiation of the students who are just beginning their anthropology majors (here, you have to take two years of courses in letras generales to get you ready, before you start taking classes in your major).

It was ridiculous, in a very very very unpleasant way. It was like the kind of stuff that was in the media several years ago about hazing in fraternities and sororities. I swear to god. To make a long story relatively short, they blindfolded us, tied our hands behind our backs, and for like, two hours, dumped all of this shit on us- eggs and food and paint and fish and sand and dirt- and it was night time and it was cold and then they dumped buckets of water on us and then made us do all this other ridiculous stuff. ughsgcjshcj;wva/o;j;vf. We smelled absolutely disgusting and were freezing the entire time. (Thankfully, there was a little Michael Jackson being played) Oliamos a mierda, de verdad. And then, they took us, all of us, in a bus, like the ones I take to school, to this other house, like 15 or 20 minutes away and then did some more stuff and then it was all over and we drank beers and listened to music and everyone, all of the anthro students, were nice to us and gave us hugs and conversation and cigarettes. But seriously, this was like the worst thing that has happened to me in quite a while. Oh. man. I would say it's worse than riding my bike around in a snow storm for 10 hours. Not even kidding.
The thing is, I guess it was worth it. But you know... I don't really know about the people from La Catolica. Whatever.

Something really weird is that all I could think about like the whole time was el Sendero Luminoso (The marxist guerrillas that terrorized the people in the mountains and jungle during the 80s and 90s) y los Senderistas (the people that belong to the group). I mean, it's not like these people really hurt us physically, but when you are cold and wet and absolutely a mess and smell horrible and are being screamed at and demeaned, you feel pretty bad, right? I mean, the people doing this were having fun (which I thought was crazy since I don't really like humiliating other people at all) and were laughing and just being relentlessly cruel.
And there I was, sitting hands tied behind my back, blindfold on, lying on the cold, dirty, disgusting cement thinking... "I can't believe this happened(-s)/is happening to people in real life. Like, real torture and humiliation. That is f-ed up as hell. That is crazy. This is crazy. This is horrible. They are horrible." And all of that brought out some of the most hateful, bitter, unforgiving feelings and desires that I have ever felt in my life. I don't think I've ever really wanted to physically inflict pain on someone until last night. I wanted to insult them and hurt them, the people doing all of this nonsense, so badly.

I mean, I'm sure all of you can think of a time when you have been humiliated and how horrible you felt and it sucks really really bad. Being humiliated is my all time least favorite feeling. I hate it. I just can't believe the profound sense of pain and hurt and sadness and anger and hopelessness and every bad feeling in the world that results when people turn into heartless perpetrators of some of the most violent, pointless, disgusting crimes ever against innocent people. I just... uhhhhh..... I don't know. I don't get it. But I do but I don't. Everything is so crazy and hopeless, it seems.

Anyways, that's enough of that.

Everybody here wants to be American. all I can think about sometimes is that Violent Femmes song "American Music" whenever I'm with all these Peruvians who sing American songs and wear shirts with American bands on them and do drugs like Americans do and go to shitty fast food restaurants and smoke Marb Reds and blah blah blah. Jeeeeeeeeeez.

One more thing. I went to the initiation thing with these girls from Cuzco. They are on an exchange program here too. They are great. On the bus ride to this place, before everything started, they told me at the exact same time, "It's different in Cuzco." And by that, they are implying un monton de cosas. a bunch of things. I think people in Cuzco are more chill, welcoming, don't feel so self-important, and other things. I can't wait to go to Cuzco. I really can't. I feel like maybe, it's Peru's equivalent of California... the promised land... ahahah.... for us radical, leftist, amoral liberals.

And finally, if being a "crazy liberal radical" means being concerned about the pain that people who aren't Americans are subjected to- oftentimes, as a result of America's politics- then, por favor, sign me up.