Stuck in the middle with you.... yes, here I am.

The other day, I finally responded to one of Wallin's messages after a half-month unintentional hiatus, but, as I wrote, I finally admitted to myself in writing that, the more time I spend here, the more evident it is that there is no way ever I would want to be Peruvian, especially a Peruvian girl, and also that there is no way I will ever be the same American I used to be... At this point, I look at the pros and the cons of both sides and all I can think about was the idea that Bob Dylan so eloquently articulated, but applied to me in a more metaforical sense...
"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, and here I am, stuck in the middle with you."
And there Wallin and I are, stuck in the middle of two countries, and in my case at least, two frames of mind.

And I'm serious I feel like there's clowns to the North of me whenever I read those godforsaken Yahoo headlines that show up when I'm checking my mail and jokers to my right when I listen to Peruvians telling me one thing and doing another.
So that's that.

Uhhhh, esssdeeeee, about the trip that I was supposed to talk about in this post... I'll just say that every time I go to the moutains, I love it more than the last. And I will also say that we took some pictures with a non-digital camera that I really hope to get on a computer so you can all see. And I'm actually serious about that. The greens and the blues up there are so vivid it seems like a dreeeeam.

Remember when I said a while ago that I felt like I was in high school when I was watching those bands play at my school? Well, I've been talking with the other exchange students and they feel the same way too. That these people are in high school. Seriously. It's weird. Think about being 20 and in your third year of college, going back to high school.... bummmmerrrrr. THANKFULLY, though, since I can't understand Spanish very well when Peruvians talk amongst themselves, I don't have to listen to whatever high school nonsense they are talking about. All of the above, unfair, far-too-broad generalizations, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.

In other news, there is a song by Sublime that goes "Every day I love her just a little bit more and she loves meeeeeee the same." And, as some of you may know, that exact situation has been my problem for the last 5 years, and even in this country, it hasn't seemed to change one bit. I'll let you all know when/if it does.

Moments ago, I just got done talking to my family, and I admitted to myself that gender roles are ok. Can you believe I just wrote that?! Gender roles are ok. I'm actually ok with them, even in this machista, heterosexual country, I feel like I'm ok with doing what girls are "supposed" to do and guys doing what they're supposed to do. That's just how it is... although I may not feel particularly inclined to follow the rules all the time.

Also, along those lines, I read one of my friends facebook statuses that said, "boxes are f-ed up" as a reference to the limitations that society puts on people and the negative effects that result... right? I think so.
Well, even though I tend to agree, I realize here, that I actually don't mind the boxes. In fact, I think those boxes sometimes exist to give people a sense of belonging, direction, understanding of who they maybe are (or would like to be) and what is required of them. And that, although society may be telling you who you should be and what you should do and how you should act or dress, that in certain places in the world (maybe not in America), if you follow those rules (and you appreciate those rules and values of that particular place), that sense of belonging and understanding and acceptance and guidance you get in return can be absolutely worth it...